What to Look for in a Good Husband

When I was single and looking for the right husband for me...

A good friend who is single asked me what are the top things she should look for in a husband. I thought it would make an interesting blog post or, if nothing else, an interesting conversation starter. So here's a very subjective, practical, non-comprehensive list from a novice wife of 18 months who is happily married.

When dating, I suggest looking for a man who is:

1. Not lazy and willing to chip in to help without prompting. Nobody likes being nagged. It stirs up unpleasant emotions and tension in the relationship by driving both people crazy. Find a man who observes needs/problems and will voluntarily pitch in to help with the task/chore when needed (i.e. washing dishes, carrying groceries, etc.). Of course, he can't read your mind and sometimes you just need to ask for help. But marrying a man who will often take the initiative prevent many fights as well as resentment. 
2. Respectful of your agency and does not try to control you. The tendency to want to control other people often stems from a core emotion of fear - of uncertainty, loss, betrayal, rejection, etc. A man with secure self-esteem and the ability to trust in intimate relationships will have no desire to control you. Watch for subtle signs of his attempts to restrict you from doing things you want to do or manipulate/coerce you to do things you don't want to do; if it becomes a chronic pattern - leave!
3. Humble enough to offer sincere apologies and seek constant self-improvement. You will both hurt each other throughout your relationship, often (hopefully always!) unintentionally. Sometimes he will not be able to discern that what he said/did was hurtful so you need to assert yourself, then watch to see if he responds in a kind way by seeking forgiveness instead of defending himself. Watch for signs of improvement in his behaviors after the apology. If you're religious, look for an equally God-loving man who is not afraid to repent when necessary. 
4. Honest and transparent about how he spends his money. Observe his attitude and behavior about money because it will reveal many of his values. Do you agree with his values? Have open conversations your habits of spending, saving, and donating. But don't try to change or pressure him, just observe his natural behaviors.
5. Supportive of your overall well-being. You have needs, desires, and dreams that feed your professional, physical, social, emotional, and intellectual health. You should feel comfortable sharing these with him and trusting him to support your growth by offering time, funds (when married), skills, and/or advice. He may offer helpful perspectives you haven't thought of yet, just make sure it's more supportive than critical. You should never feel stunted when picturing a future with him. 
6. An attentive caring listener who strives to understand you. Being heard and validated is one of the deepest needs of human beings. Look for a man who can have genuine heart-felt conversations with you, who doesn't judge or mock you, who can empathize with your thoughts and feelings. The prerequisite is that you can be vulnerable enough to open up to him. 
7. Kind to all people regardless of their relationship to him. How he treats his family, colleagues, friends, neighbors, waiters, cashiers, boss, and everyone else has a direct correlation to how he will treat you when the honeymoon period is over. Find a man who strives to be kind. 
8. Thinks you're beautiful in your natural state. There will be many times in marriage during which you will not have the time or desire to put on makeup, do your hair, or dress up nice. You don't want to be constantly insecure about being unattractive to him. Obviously, you should be attracted to him in his natural state as well. 
9. Makes you laugh and smile. Life will get complicated and frustrating and difficult. Find someone with whom you can have fun and de-stress, especially in uncomfortable situations. 
10. Is open-minded to different and new things, and willing to compromise. There will be many things you do differently and you will try to influence each other. Sometimes you can meet in the middle and have the best of both worlds, sometimes you can't. Look for how he responds to trying new foods, watching movies he wouldn't naturally choose, or going to an unfamiliar place. Variety and novelty are also the keys to keeping the romance alive, so find a man who will keep it alive with you!

It is an obvious expectation that women should strive to exemplify everything they want in a husband so they can attract the kind of man they want. This should not be a one-sided checklist by which to judge every man you date. To find a husband of high quality, women need to constantly improve themselves as well.

What would you add to this list for women??