Coping with COVID by Balancing Grief and Gratitude

Since the COVID Pandemic hit a few months ago, I've had a complex conflicting internal world, which is directly correlated with the chaotic external world I see through the news.

I know I have been extremely blessed but I also have bouts of grief and despair. Grief is a deeper sense of sadness that comes from a sense of loss. However, I feel guilty about my "First World Problems" because I know others have lost much more than I have and I should just be grateful. (If you're reading this, you likely have First World Problems too.)

Every time I feel sad about not having something due to COVID, I remind myself of all the good things I do have despite COVID. I've also had a hard time during COVID because I went through 3 new transitions within a few months: new job, new state, new house. It's hard to hold space for such different emotions but I know it's an essential part of being human. 

Fortunately, I realize this is where my studies in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Positive Psychology can be helpful and directly applied. 

• DBT teaches that we need to accept and validate our emotions in order to process them healthily rather than deny or ignore them. Otherwise, they will just come up in unhealthy ways.  
• Positive Psychology teaches that we can become more optimistic by practicing what optimists do. 

So in order to honor the grief for the things I've lost as well as the gratitude for the things I have, I decided to write these 2 lists below. I am a complex human. I can make space for both.

Grief List

1. The cancelled 2-week trip to China in May 2020 to introduce my new husband to my grandparents who are in their mid-80s. 
2. The cancelled free-to-me networking trip to Washington, DC with my political science students.
3. The cancelled free-to-me trip to Raleigh, North Carolina for a conference on teaching.
4. The summer trips that never happened to Alaska to see my husband's friends or New York City to see my friends.
5. Not being able to have a farewell party and hug my friends goodbye before moving from Utah to Texas. 
6. Not being able to attend my close friend's wedding. 
7. Feeling isolated after moving to Texas because it was so much harder to make friends in person while working from home. 
8. Not being able to work on campus at my new job where I have an office with a huge window and beautiful view of trees. 
9. Not being able to go social dancing or attend concerts, which are both extremely rejuvenating for me.
10. Not being able to fully explore my new city because so many things are closed or cancelled. 
11. Not being able to serve in the temple for spiritual empowerment. 

Gratitude List

1. My generally healthy body despite lots of little ailments.
2. The general good health of my husband, close friends and family.
3. My full-time job with benefits (i.e. health insurance) and wonderful colleagues.
4. My husband's full-time job. 
5. Our comfortable new house, nice neighborhood and friendly neighbors.
6. Technology to keep in touch with friends and family.
7. Access to abundance of healthy delicious food. 
8. More clothes and shoes than I need. 
9. Books to read and time to exceed my personal record of books read per year.
10. Music to hear and play (piano).
11. New habit of jogging with my husband.
12. Many developments in my career - writing articles, presenting webinars, being interviewed for podcasts, setting up the LLC for my business.

Putting Positive Psychology into practice, we can choose to view the things on the Grief List as temporary, localized (not affecting all areas of your life), and circumstantial (not your personal fault).

Who knows how long this pandemic will keep us from going where we want to go, seeing who we want to see, and doing what we want to do without fear of serious negative health consequences? We need to focus on what we can control and make space for all the complex emotions within us to coexist. Start by writing both a Grief List and a Gratitude List. Hopefully we'll all come out safe and healthy, and more peaceful and resilient than before.